[She] said, 'I want to be you'. She corrected herself: "No, I want to be like you”’ Woman rants about a coworker who seems way too interested in her

Author image for Olivia Arocena
Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Oct 11, 2026 12:30 PM EDT

This employee not only experiences her coworker's attitude as annoying, but also as a threat to the boundaries of her identity

There is a difference between borrowing something from you and claiming a relationship with you that you haven't consented to. If, let's say, a coworker buys the same top as you, that'd be inoffensive imitation; but if she repeatedly reproduced your choices, mannerisms, style, and monitored your every move, that'd constitute a completely different scenario.

Envy is not only wanting something another person possesses; sometimes, it also involves some form of resentment toward the person who possesses it. That way, the object of desire becomes entangled with the person who has it. You are not really envious if you don't feel some degree of (repressed or not) aggressiveness toward the person you are envious of.

Hedy, in this case, is pictured as a 'single white woman', making it really easy for us to identify the archetypal figure of a woman who feels entitled to everyone's attention,  struggles with boundaries, and has that sort of 'desperate' vibe to her. That instantly gives us the ick.

People who feel socially inadequate might think the only solution is to imitate someone adequate so perfectly that it finally makes them be that way. This happens everywhere, as there are more socially inadequate people out there than we'd like to admit.

From her perspective, anyone perceived as adequate or popular is an asset, and her answer. This kind of identification can theoretically help you develop a stronger self; to some degree, we all do it. We identify with role models, influencers, and all sorts of people, and they mold our behaviors. But sometimes those role models also create dependency, and our relationship to them becomes problematic, if not creepy.

The envious person might experience her similarity to her coworker as reassuring because, to her, it means she will obtain more social power, while the other person experiences the same behavior as invasive.  

Perhaps this woman doesn't want to be similar to her coworker, and she just wants a relationship with her. That's what makes her socially inadequate in the end, because she clearly doesn't know how to build a friendship; apparently, all she knows is forcing herself into conversations or imitating someone until it creeps them out.

I know being on the receiving end of this type of conduct can be really disturbing, but I always found peace in the fact that precisely what makes those people creepy cannot be erased; they can never imitate you perfectly because they are inadequate in essence, and they've earned that you don't want a relationship with them.

So if you leave them be and don't get too stressed out about someone copying your identity, life will put people in their places, and likely everything will go back to normal. Trust me, I had a classmate in high school who copied everything I did, and literally was intervened with by teachers about it.

Human groups put everyone in their place, and in the best-case scenario, it helps people understand how to integrate more positively!

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    Cheezburger Image 10670378752
    via Tim Gouw

    The 'overly interested' coworker

    Representative only

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    Single White Female Coworker

    I feel like im under constant surveillance and I need to vent. This coworker started a few years ago and at first I felt bad for her. Nobody in the office liked her, they were very unwelcoming
    via sdsuburners
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    and obvious about it so I was tasked with training her. At first I thought I disliked her because she's incompetent. Like...asking the same question after two years dumb. It's really bad but I digress. Let's call her Hedy...for obvious
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    reasons. Hedy began doing subtle things like copying me and darkening her hair when I dyed mine, copying the same foods I eat (constantly asking me every time I eat or drink
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    anything, what I'm having), as well as different things unique to me that she just mirrored. I chalked it up to me being being self absorbed like omg stop copying me because they were so benign and if I talked about it I would look
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    like a high school bu y.....but things have escalated. I spoke about my doctor and going for a specific physical issue and within that conversation she asks me where I went and I
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    mistakenly mentioned the office and then she immediately goes I have. my doctors at XYZ I think I will go there....without me ever recommending it to her or her having and similar dis ility. She asked me my doctor's
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    name and I said I don't remember and was clearly weirded out about it and stopped the convo....days later she mentions she set up her primary there as well. What the f That crossed a line and
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    I've tried grey rocking her. Doesn't work. Every time I am talking to a coworker at my desk, she starts answering our conversation. We have an open door policy, and she's within earshot as a
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    receptionist. She is constantly inputting herself and answering us when we aren't even talking to her...going so far as to get up from her desk to walk in and insert herself into our conversation. I'm tired of it.
    via sdsuburners
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    I told my shared office coworker I'm eating at my desk and if my food is bothering her because it's stinky let me know and I will adjust. I walk out of the office to go get water and she looks at me and goes what's STINKY???
    via sdsuburners
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    Truthfully I wanted to answer "You" because she has this musty, poopy, decaying odor coming off of her that I'm surprised nobody has said anything about. I just say it's nothing..... but she does this shall the time and I
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    Cheezburger Image 10670379008
    via Vitaly Gariev

    The coworkers surpised with her behavior

    Not actual story subjects

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    just ignore her. Then at our office Christmas party where people are drinking she comes up to me drunkenly and said "I want to be you." and I was like what the f no you don't. She
    via sdsuburners
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    corrected herself "No I want to be like you." I walked away like....leave me alone pls.........Then later, I had to go on stage for an award thing (every single person got their own it wasn't unique to me), she got up and took a picture
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    of me and the bosses together declaring "I want a picture of the FAMILY." Took a few photos and then also said loudly "She's better than me." in front of our entire staff.........She didn't get up for anyone else by the way.
    via sdsuburners
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    At the end of the night she goes up to me to hug me goodbye with PUCKERED lips and I dodge her and she lands a wet one on my cheek. What the f ?? She's married with a husband and kid so I wasn't getting vibes like
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    that but it was gross sloppy kiss..... She's constantly watching me. I was at my desk one day and saw her leaning from reception smiling at me all weirdly and I loudly proclaimed
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    what are you looking at?? And she just laughs. I can't even talk to my coworkers in fear she will "accidentally" show up in the same place I'm at (edit for clarification: she hasn't done this at all yet. the
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    only thing thats come close is the doctor fiasco). I mention hobbies like cycling to other people (NOT HER) and she mimics me by bringing in an annoying pedal machine under her desk and is like YOU CAN USE
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    IT - constantly. I also talked with another coworker privately outside and Hedy heard me say sorry I didn't respond to your text, and went to my office mate all mad asking since when were we
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    friends??? My office mate noted how angry and possessive she was about it. (She doesn't like the girl). It's getting to the point where I need to come up with creative solutions to
    via sdsuburners
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    get her to back off, because this girl is so creepy and socially unaware my subtle clues to leave me the f alone just fly over her head. Maybe I should just be more confrontational, but I get mean when I do that.
    via sdsuburners
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    Soo I don't know, just had to rant! I'm certain I'm missing a lot of things too...
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    R
    via Mimi Thian

    Coworkers considering reporting her to HR

    Licensed media provided as editorial context

     

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friendship relationship advice workplace-stories toxic-workplace work friends relationships workplace toxic relationship relationship drama toxic-work-environment
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